Dear Founder,
Selecting a co-founder is one of the most pivotal decisions you’ve made to date. You went in hoping for a decades-long partnership. You’ve admired what the legendary co-founders—Bill and David, Jobs and Woz, Larry and Sergey—achieved, and you wanted the same destiny.
The reality is that even these celebrated partnerships hit serious and sometimes insurmountable roadblocks. You’re not alone.
Still, that doesn’t matter now. It’s upsetting when you’re working your tail off and someone else isn’t as engaged or committed. This has to get resolved—and immediately. First, as always, you need to investigate what’s happening to understand what’s behind this. Not pulling one’s weight is a symptom of something else.
Is this a new situation?
Was your co-founder once a tiger, and now a mouse? Was your co-founder once a “step on the brakes” person that always had to be told to slow down, but now things are not happening at the same pace and you need to tell them to “step on the gas?”
If so, what’s changed? Is this something related to work, or not?
Find out why this is happening.
Do this investigation with an open mind. Approach the situation in exploration-mode. Never open with criticism; that will not lead to a great resolution.
At one company we had an issue with someone suddenly behaving very differently. Whereas he was once very reliable, now he was flaky and unavailable. We soon learned he was going through a difficult divorce. The stress of that personal crisis was affecting him at work, but it was neither work-related nor fixable. In this case, we discussed the situation and called out the behavior and also gave him some space—but not so much space that he could drag the team down for a long time.
Of course there can be other reasons too that are similarly out of your control: someone’s health, an issue with a family member, or myriad personal reasons that are affecting performance at work. Each time, it’s been horribly sad and the unfortunate reality is that sometimes caring for one’s health and operating a startup are incompatible.
There’s another scenario we sometimes see happen too: a reduction in motivation after achieving a certain level of success. At eBay, we had an interesting phenomenon: some of the folks who had been there before the IPO made hundreds of millions. They came into work in their Ferraris at 10 a.m. and left by 3 p.m. When they jetted early, Meg used to say, “they called in rich.” No longer motivated by earning more money, they “quit on the job.” That’s something that must be addressed and—if it continues—stopped.
If there’s no personal crisis looming in the backdrop or no jackpot influencing the behavior, it’s time to figure out: Is this something within your control? Ask yourself: What do I own? What do they own?
Unfortunately, it’s all too common that a conflict in personalities has arisen. There may be bad blood due to any number of reasons, disconnects on strategy or culture, economic inequity, etc. This leaves one of the founders disgruntled and difficult to get along with. Both of you have come to dislike each other. Now what?
It’s up to you to find out:
Is there resentment over ownership? Hopefully not as that should have been resolved from the onset, but sometimes there’s a lingering bitterness that turns into an untenable situation. And this leads to a tricky question: How do you handle the resolution of ownership if your co-founder is slowing down, yet you are still there night and day?
Is there an issue because someone gets too much credit?
Is this an issue over strategic direction?
Having a successful marriage is hard. It requires dialogue and communication all the time. The co-founder relationship requires the same attention and care:
- Find the source of the problem. And quickly figure out if it’s recoverable or not.
- Call the co-founder out on any bad behavior. It is unacceptable to not pull one’s weight, or to engage in dysfunctional behavior.
- Bring in coaching or help from an outside advisor. You need to do everything within your power to try to save this relationship.
- Think of everyone involved. A little time off for someone carrying a stressful situation to work may do them some good, but you have to be mindful of the other people at the company and how they might view this special treatment. Everyone knows the difference between strong and poor performers, and they are counting on the leaders to set an example and fix the issue.
- Get the board’s input. The board has seen this situation many times before and will have suggestions. They may offer creative solutions they’ve seen work in the past such as formally changing the equity structure to reflect the reduced engagement.
- Figure out a fair way to move on. If you decide that the partnership is not going to work, move with dignity and grace on that decision. Do not assign blame. Don’t disparage each other.
- Sometimes, a solution to this tension may involve recasting the role of your co-founder. In my experience, it’s extremely rare for both co-founders to scale equally alongside a business long-term, as at every level your job changes so dramatically. Your co-founder’s current management role might become something they do not enjoy or are not very good at. Reassigning roles in the company is a delicate process, but ultimately this can result in a much better outcome for all parties.
- Determine, “what’s life like on the other side?” What skills did your co-founder bring? What needs to be replaced? It’s likely someone else has stepped up already. My best moments have been seeing what people can do when you give them an opportunity. Think about who can take on new responsibilities and help through the challenge of losing a critical player in the company.
The rift you’re experiencing is painful, and can be as difficult as going through a divorce. But the difference is, if you don’t stay together, this doesn’t end with a joint custody agreement. One of you will have to give up the baby. That’s terribly hard. I’m sorry and I wish you better days ahead.
All the best,
Maynard